Weddings and Anniversaries

Today I've been married for 33 years.  I wish I could say I have all the answers to a long and happy marriage.  I wish that, because my daughter is getting married in exactly one month.  I would love to be able to impart some great wisdom upon her so that she also will have a long and happy marriage.  I only know what works for Dan and I.  I suppose some of it is good advice.  Some of it is advice others gave us...some of it we learned on our own.  So here goes...everything I know about marriage in one easy blog post...

It's more about the marriage and less about the wedding.

Live a faith filled life...together.  It's important to remember who the Higher Power is...and it is neither one of you.

We promised to love each other for richer or poorer (there has been no richer), in sickness and in health (we've had both) forsaking all others until death do us part...and we meant it.  We meant it then, and 33 years later we still mean it. 

When we aren't exactly seeing eye to eye or we just aren't really liking each other (yes, that happens) we make a decision to love each other.  We just say to the other person, "I'm making a decision to love you right now."  It lets the other person know you are irritated and maybe they should back off until you cool down.  It's much better than fighting and it gives each person time to think about the situation.  Then, when cooler heads prevail, you figure it out.  99.9% of the time we both are to blame for whatever was going on. 

It's not important to always be right...it's more important, sometimes, to let him (or her) think he is ;)

Take one for the team.  Sometimes it's just better to let the other person have their way.  You don't always get to have things your way...you have to give some too.  But stand up for yourself when it's necessary.

And speaking of giving...marriage is NOT a 50/50 deal.  It's 100/100.  Each person has to give 100 percent for the relationship to work.

Think before you speak...and then think again...words cannot be recalled. You don't have to say everything you think.  (this is really hard for people with Dion DNA)  Silence truly is golden.  Sometimes complete and total honesty is highly over rated.  Learn when it's necessary and when just keeping your mouth shut is the better option.

Never leave the house without telling each other goodbye and saying I love you.  It might be the last chance you ever have to do so.  In 33 years Dan and I have never left each other without saying goodbye and I love you....even if the other person is sleeping. Believe me, I have never minded being woken up so he can tell me he loves me :)  It's important...do it.

The oldest piece of wedding advice is probably still the most important.  Don't go to bed mad.  Resolve your issues before you hit the pillow.  I did once, and it was the most miserable night of my entire life.

Don't let other people tell you how your relationship should work.  If it works to be sarcastic then be sarcastic.  People often think Dan and I are being mean to each other...we are not.  We are just both very sarcastic...we get it...we like it...it works for us.  Find what works for you and don't let anyone tell you differently.

When you have kids, always present a united front.  Make sure you don't pass the buck to your spouse.  Don't make one parent be the bad guy...be united and on the same page about all parenting issues.  Kids can smell weakness and they will divide and conquer if you don't stick together.

And most important of all...

Make sure the other person always knows that he/she is the most important person in your life.  Before kids, parents, family, friends or pets.  Once you are married you become each other's pillar of strength.  Make sure you always have each other's back, defend each other and don't talk bad about each other to anyone.  One day the kids will grow up, move away, get married and have kids of their own.  Then you'll be right back where you started...just the two of you.  If you don't continue to grow and nurture your relationship you'll end up with nothing.  Do not put your kids before your spouse.  You were together first...you will be together forever.

So that's it...the simplified version of what I've learned in 33 years. 

I always thank God for bringing Dan and I together.  I know how lucky am.  He is truly one of a kind.  They just don't make them like Dan anymore.  If you could pick out all the qualities you want for a husband and father in a catalog...the finished product would be Dan (hopefully minus the procrastination...but nobody is perfect ;) 

Happy Anniversary Danno!  I hope we have at least 33 more years to be sarcastic to each other...you make my life worth living.  I love you more than you know.

I Will Remember

I will, for as long as I live, hate this date. I suppose it's how my grandparents felt about December 7th or how my parents felt about November 22nd. Dates that are associated with an event so unbelievably, horribly evil. It doesn't matter what time of year it is or why I may come across the date, but when I see or hear September 11th, it stops me short. 12 years later I still feel dread when I hear it. It is the single most terrifying day in my life. I remember the feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next. I remember living the next week or so in a fog. I had a hard time sleeping. I was scared for my kids and their future. I remember thinking that if I felt this way I just couldn't imagine how the people in NY, DC and PA felt. But...


It doesn't matter that it happened 3000 miles from my home or that I did not personally know anyone who lost their life or a loved one. It happened to my country...on my home soil. It happened to all of us. It changed forever the way we look at the world, the way we live in the world. It changed my children's future.

But, as horrible as this date is...we must never forget. We cannot forget things like 9/11. To forget is to chance repeating. I am not willing to repeat. I will forever remember what was perpetrated on MY country that day. I will never forget those who lost their lives. I will remember...no matter how badly it hurts. No matter how much the current administration believes it is now right to help the ones who perpetrated the evil of 9/11…I do not. And I will not forget what they did that day…I will not forget.

I will remember.

Wanting What You've Got

I read a lot of blogs. I love them. I love reading about other people’s lives. I guess this makes me a voyeur…and the over sharing world of Facebook and blogging are ripe for someone like me. But it’s also not a very good thing for me. You know, I’m one of those “the grass is greener elsewhere” kind of people. On any given day, after a session of blog reading, I find myself wanting to:

1. Live on a remote farm and raise chickens and goats…eat eggs and milk from said chickens and goats and make my own natural soaps and lotions.

2. Be a mother with young children, writing about their exploits and plastering their cute little faces all over the internet…while home schooling, cooking only organic foods and hand sewing all their clothes.

3. Own my own successful internet business where I only have to work a few hours every day and I rake in the dough.

4. Travel to exotic places, take pictures of historic sites, eat local cuisine and walk 4000 miles each day in an effort to see the whole world.

5. Have enough time in the day to create all the beautiful crochet projects that I can…and then sell them for exorbitant amounts of money on etsy.

Sometimes, when I read these blogs…they make me dissatisfied with my own life. Like I’m missing out on some really exciting and wonderful stuff…I always think about the Meg Ryan line in “You’ve Got Mail” where she says she feels like she leads a small life. I feel that way sometimes. And then I remind myself that small is good and you are important to those that need you. Which is a very good thing. And then I realize that all those things which I think sound glamorous really aren’t because I remember that:

1. Chickens scare me and I don’t like goat’s milk. And I’m pretty sure I don’t really ever want to make my own soap…I’m too lazy…Dial is good enough for me.

2. I’m pretty much over the kid thing…except for grandkids…I can’t wait for those! If I home schooled anyone they would end up an expert in history and know absolutely nothing about math. I hate to cook...organic or not. AND…I hate to sew…

3. I’d love to own my own business that I only had to work a few hours at…but I’m smart enough to know that nothing good comes without hard work.

4. I love the idea of traveling…the actual execution of it is another story…insert anxiety issues here. I love taking pictures but rarely remember my camera; if the local cuisine looked weird in any way…I would be searching for the nearest McDonalds…and I hate to walk.

5. This I would do in a nano second…but there’s a little thing called work that keeps getting in my way.

So, the moral of this pointless blog is, in the words of Sheryl Crow:

“It’s not having what you want; it’s wanting what you’ve got.”

I hope you are all wanting what you’ve got…and I hope you all have a super duper weekend!!