Friday, September 27, 2013
Weddings and Anniversaries
Today I've been married for 33 years. I wish I could say I have all the answers to a long and happy marriage. I wish that, because my daughter is getting married in exactly one month. I would love to be able to impart some great wisdom upon her so that she also will have a long and happy marriage. I only know what works for Dan and I. I suppose some of it is good advice. Some of it is advice others gave us...some of it we learned on our own. So here goes...everything I know about marriage in one easy blog post...
It's more about the marriage and less about the wedding.
Live a faith filled life...together. It's important to remember who the Higher Power is...and it is neither one of you.
We promised to love each other for richer or poorer (there has been no richer), in sickness and in health (we've had both) forsaking all others until death do us part...and we meant it. We meant it then, and 33 years later we still mean it.
When we aren't exactly seeing eye to eye or we just aren't really liking each other (yes, that happens) we make a decision to love each other. We just say to the other person, "I'm making a decision to love you right now." It lets the other person know you are irritated and maybe they should back off until you cool down. It's much better than fighting and it gives each person time to think about the situation. Then, when cooler heads prevail, you figure it out. 99.9% of the time we both are to blame for whatever was going on.
It's not important to always be right...it's more important, sometimes, to let him (or her) think he is ;)
Take one for the team. Sometimes it's just better to let the other person have their way. You don't always get to have things your way...you have to give some too. But stand up for yourself when it's necessary.
And speaking of giving...marriage is NOT a 50/50 deal. It's 100/100. Each person has to give 100 percent for the relationship to work.
Think before you speak...and then think again...words cannot be recalled. You don't have to say everything you think. (this is really hard for people with Dion DNA) Silence truly is golden. Sometimes complete and total honesty is highly over rated. Learn when it's necessary and when just keeping your mouth shut is the better option.
Never leave the house without telling each other goodbye and saying I love you. It might be the last chance you ever have to do so. In 33 years Dan and I have never left each other without saying goodbye and I love you....even if the other person is sleeping. Believe me, I have never minded being woken up so he can tell me he loves me :) It's important...do it.
The oldest piece of wedding advice is probably still the most important. Don't go to bed mad. Resolve your issues before you hit the pillow. I did once, and it was the most miserable night of my entire life.
Don't let other people tell you how your relationship should work. If it works to be sarcastic then be sarcastic. People often think Dan and I are being mean to each other...we are not. We are just both very sarcastic...we get it...we like it...it works for us. Find what works for you and don't let anyone tell you differently.
When you have kids, always present a united front. Make sure you don't pass the buck to your spouse. Don't make one parent be the bad guy...be united and on the same page about all parenting issues. Kids can smell weakness and they will divide and conquer if you don't stick together.
And most important of all...
Make sure the other person always knows that he/she is the most important person in your life. Before kids, parents, family, friends or pets. Once you are married you become each other's pillar of strength. Make sure you always have each other's back, defend each other and don't talk bad about each other to anyone. One day the kids will grow up, move away, get married and have kids of their own. Then you'll be right back where you started...just the two of you. If you don't continue to grow and nurture your relationship you'll end up with nothing. Do not put your kids before your spouse. You were together first...you will be together forever.
So that's it...the simplified version of what I've learned in 33 years.
I always thank God for bringing Dan and I together. I know how lucky am. He is truly one of a kind. They just don't make them like Dan anymore. If you could pick out all the qualities you want for a husband and father in a catalog...the finished product would be Dan (hopefully minus the procrastination...but nobody is perfect ;)
Happy Anniversary Danno! I hope we have at least 33 more years to be sarcastic to each other...you make my life worth living. I love you more than you know.